The Great Bunnymort's Demise
by Alyxa Drogo
Summary: The great lord Voldemort is now a rabbit!


One fateful day, Lord Too-Many-Names was sitting in his throne of stone, trying to "connect" with his inner basilisk. After three hours of intently staring at a wall, focusing on his inner basilisk, he was finally able to transform. He slithered (or so he thought) to a mirror. He was proud of himself until… he saw his reflection.

He stared. No. He couldn't be! But he was. The animal he saw staring back at him was a bunny. A fluffy, white, bunny.

 _WHAT! A BUNNY?! A FREAKING BUNNY? SOMEONE IS SO DEAD! I know! I'll call my death eaters! I'll kill some outer ranking ones! Perfect! But a BUNNY? Why?_ Voldemort sighed. Or, he tried to, anyway. All that happened was his nose twitched. _What! I can't even talk! This day is getting better and better! Hmph. I knew I should've read the rest of that animagus book. No one can know of this weakness._ He turned back into a human and went to check his family tree for clues as to why he is a bunny.

He went back two generations. Nothing. Five. Still nothing. At the tenth generation, he saw it. Salazar Slytherin, his great, great, great, great- Oh forget it! Salazar Slytherin was related to him in some way. And his sister was Babbity Rabbity Slytherin. Babbity Rabbity was a bunny animagus. And she had passed her filthy disease onto him.

Quickly, he summoned some of his stupid, disposable minions for a meeting. Soon he was sitting in another, better throne, in all of his imposing glory. He was just about to kill one of his followers, when the stupid Order of the Bloody Phoenix came in, wands waving and curses flying, trying to take over Malfoy Manor. Voldemort freaked, and accidentally transformed.

The Order members and half Voldemort's annoying followers, okay, so, most of his followers were doubled over laughing. But Lucius Malfoy had taken the Order members initial shock to their advantage, and was continuing to fight.

Meanwhile, Voldemort was trying to find a way out. Then it came to him. He would dig his way out. After a while of digging, a portal showed up, and after a moment's hesitation, he hopped right through.

On the surface, Lucius Malfoy and his girlfriend, Narcissa Black, were the only ones left fighting. All the others had joined the Order to spare the humiliation of serving under a rabbit. As they were fighting, Lucius fell into a hole in the ground and came tumbling through a portal.

"Lucius?" Narcissa asked questioningly. When there was no reply, she jumped in the hole to go find him.

* * *

Voldemort came through the hole, spinning wildly. _Merlin, I'm going to be sick if I have to endure much longer._ Soon his wild spinning came to a sudden halt, and he was ejected onto the grass. He looked up, and noted that he was at the base of a tree. Another thing he noticed was that the tree was moving. As in, 'I will crush you if you do not get out of the way' moving, not a 'gentle breeze' kind of moving. He quickly hopped out of range of the imposing branches. As he was hoping from his doom, he hit a knot in the tree. A little hole opened beneath his feet. Or should he say paws? How he despised being a rabbit.

He hopped along the passage. After a minute, he heard two sets of footsteps following him. He turned around, coming face-to-face with Lucius Malfoy and Narcissa Black. Eventually, he came across a trap door. He transformed back into Voldemort. Voldemort. There was a great name. It sounded so much better than _Bunnymort_. That was a name for a loser. And he, Lord Voldemort, was proud to say he wasn't a loser. So he would remain Voldemort, not _Bunnymort_.

Why his followers would desert him was beyond him. All his fame (fear) and power. Power, now there was a word. Power was the fear on their faces as they saw just who was marching to their front door. His ponderings were rudely interrupted by one Lucius Malfoy. "M-my Lord" Malfoy stuttered, "Th-the o-others, th-they have all t-turned." So Malfoy was afraid of him. Good to know.

"And you?" His eyes narrowed dangerously, showing Lucius he was not to be trifled with.

"N-not me M-my Lord. N-nor Narcissa." Came the reply.

Voldemort's eyes narrowed in annoyance. "Stop stuttering Malfoy." It really was bothering him.

"Of course My Lord." _That was better._

"Malfoy, if you and Black are faithful, then you will help me hunt the traitor's children."

"Of course My Lord."

* * *

Voldemort was hopping towards the castle with Malfoy and Black in tow. The moon was bright and full, casting some much-needed light all around the Hogwarts grounds.

He was about halfway to the castle when the most peculiar thing happened. Two large black shapes, loping across the grounds towards him. As soon as they got close enough, he saw that they were both rather large black dogs. Malfoy and Black fled.

He quickly came to the realisation that the larger the dog is, the larger its appetite. And unless his fluffy white ears were deceiving him, he thought he heard one of them scream to the other, 'CHEW TOY.' Things weren't looking too good for him. So he ran- or rather, hopped, for the hills.

But the dogs outstripped the rabbit and soon they were in an all out tug-of-war with the black poodle in possession of his feet, and the large, shaggy, black mutt (He really couldn't place the breed in question, at the moment. He was pretty sure it had something to do with death, so really not a good sign at the moment.) holding his ears. And they pulled. They pulled until he was decapitated.

Needless to say, he died. And then, he was given the choice to come back as a ghost. To this day he haunts the Hogwarts castle and grounds. And is, to this day, the only animal to participate in the headless hunt.

And if you try to ask him to please recite the story of how he died, no he will not. And, I'm saving you a lot of trouble, because even if he does tell you, you'll have to translate it from rabbit. Rabbit is a really hard language to translate from, because it consists of mainly nose twitches and tail shakes.


End file.
